Samuel L. Jackson

I will give them credit for visually creating a Samuel L Jackson character that I’ve never quite seen before. More on reddit.com

His entire role in Infinity War was phoning it in.

Edit: Thanks for the silver and gold

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Hi, I'm Samuel L. Jackson. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Reddit, but I've decided to break the rules of my own competition, and I will not be reading a user-submitted entry as my monologue. Instead, I'd like to speak to you all from my own heart, in my own words; honestly and openly. I've been waiting to reveal something for a long, long, time and... well, here it is: I am quitting acting and pursuing a life of vigilantism. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Sam Jack, you are one bad motherfucker when it comes to the fine art of thespianism." And you know what? You're right. But it's time for me to step out of the limelight... and step into the shadows. I have been given the gift of an incredibly intimidating voice, and I intend to use it to strike fear into the scum that plague our good streets. Listen to this: "Hey! You! Motherfucker! Stop doing all that crime!" You see? Who wouldn't stop after that? How about this one: "Yo! Knock that motherfucking crime-doing off!" And of course there's: "Excuse me, young hoodlum? Look at me! I'm Samuel L. Jackson, bitch. You really think you're going to get away with this?" My new life of crime-fighting won't be easy, my friends, but I suppose nothing worth doing really ever is. My hope is to leave this very dark world just a little brighter than when I found it before my time is through. I hope to save a life. I hope to maybe change one. I hope to make some crime-doing motherfuckers shit themselves in terror upon hearing my scary-ass voice reprimanding them as I charge them in a rage. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope. Edit: I am fully aware that Samuel L. Jackson was not in The Shawshank Redemption. I'm a huge fan of film, and that would be an incredibly egregious error on my part. It'd be like not knowing Morgan Freeman was in Pulp Fiction. Edit 2: I got picked! A huge thank you to Samuel L. Jackson for making my goofy little monologue sound better than I could have ever hoped it would, and thank you to every redditor who upvoted this and messaged me with kind words. You see the ugly side of Reddit so often, it was incredibly refreshing to see the other side displayed so abundantly in my mailbox. Thank you. More on reddit.com

political excerpts from the Esquire interview: Q: I always ask people in my family this: Did growing up in segregation make you feel angry? A: I don’t think I was ever angry about it. I’m angrier now about it than I was then just because I see these guys and I know these are the same guys: Trump and all those assholes, Mitch McConnell. But they’re the same fucking guys. And when I hear their voices, I hear the same voices. Those twangs where they didn’t specifically call you “nigger,” they said “nigra.” “The nigras.” There was no doubt about where they stood, that you were never going to be their equal and, if possible, they were going to make sure you never had as much shit as they had. And they were worried about the chasteness of their women, and miscegenation, and not having enough of them, there being more of us than there are of them. Q: You’ve been vocal about Trump. A lot of people have their beliefs but are careful about stating them, because they don’t want to jeopardize their career. A: I think we feel the same way that all of the motherfuckers that hated Obama felt for eight years. So they said all that shit. They put fucking pictures up on the Internet of Michelle sitting with her legs crossed with a dick hanging down. We feel the same way that they feel or they felt about Obama being the man, even though he wasn’t fucking ruining their lives; he was trying to help their lives. This motherfucker is like ruining the planet and all kinds of other crazy shit. And the people think that’s okay. It’s not fucking okay. And if you’re not saying anything, then you’re complicit. And I wouldn’t give a fuck if I was a garbageman and I had a Twitter account; I’d tweet that shit out. I’m not thinking about who I am and what my job is when I do that shit. Q: Do you worry about antagonizing fans? A: I know how many motherfuckers hate me. “I’m never going to see a Sam Jackson movie again.” Fuck I care? If you never went to another movie I did in my life, I’m not going to lose any money. I already cashed that check. Fuck you. Burn up my videotapes. I don’t give a fuck. “You’re an actor. Stick to acting.” “No, motherfucker. I’m a human being that feels a certain way.” And some of this shit does affect me, because if we don’t have health care, shit, and my relatives get sick, they’re going to call my rich ass. I want them to have health care. I want them to be able to take care of themselves. This is how I feel. And I count to one hundred some days before I hit “send,” because I know how that shit is. More on reddit.com