I ran out of my favorite coffee and when I went to order more on Amazon, they had the audacity to move the search bar from the top of the screen to the bottom. Why change after all these reliable years of top search bars? Where’s the loyalty, I asked myself? Can I trust a megazillion dollar company to value my shipment of Columbian roast if they don’t care about my search bar preferences. No ma’am.

So—now get this. I get in my car and drive to the store to buy my coffee beans. Revolutionary, I know. When I walked in I immediately saw cheese danishes. Got those, obviously. Then I was reminded of some vegan cheese I wanted to take for a spin. Got two options. Well, can’t have cheese without crackers right? Better make those gluten free. But wait, why stop there? Let’s slap in some salami and prosciutto. Got the spicy salami, so I had to also buy some Tums for the ol’ acid reflux. I didn’t get the large one because I thought I had some Tums in a medicine cabinet at home but I couldn’t be 100% sure, so I got a small travel size one.

I looked over my buggy to make sure I got all I came in for…when I saw the vegan cheese right next to the spicy salami. Call me superstitious but that just seems like bad juju. I thought about putting back the meats and getting 100% vegan snacks, but I already walked all the way to the pharmacy section to get antacids. Seemed like a waste. So, logically, I got a third cheese (made with goats milk). Oh, and I put back the prosciutto. I could hear my mother’s voice ”if you can’t spell it, you can’t eat it!” Ah, the 80s were fun…….

I felt a little tinge of pride when I didn’t look twice at the “pumpkin spice” items in the store. Why is Christmas getting closer and closer to the 4th of July every year? Keep summer, summer man. Firm believer here that pumpkin season starts late September, at the absolute earliest.

Apples! Apples are September treat. Well if you add caramel, obviously. Generic opinion, but red delicious apples are the most delicious. Thankfully, the caramel was right next to those red puppies in the store. NOW, that’s caring for your customer.