You're as useless as a wooden frying-pan.

You're as useless as... insults.

January 3, 2018 - That’s as useless as a sick day in summer! ... Box of rocks... idk why lol ... A woman? Which is something my theology teacher in high school (later principal) would say. He became a priest supposedly because he was left at the altar. Despite that statement everyone loved him in school and he was deeply mourned when he passed. ... Give me your best backhanded compliments and subtle insults!

November 21, 2022 - Over on Reddit’s r/AskUK forum, u/Ed_mutts_nuts asked – What’s a good ‘As useless as?’ They added – I love the English language and our creations. Someone came out with as useless as a woodpecker with rubber lips at a co-worker today. Cracked me up.

No need for insults, your face says it all. You are not useless; you can still serve as a bad example.

Not everyone's as useful as you so here's some ammunition to tell someone exactly how useless they are. You're as useless as a piece of pork at a Jewish wedding.

May 5, 2025 - a collection of obscure and insulting words for different kinds of people

October 11, 2024 - And they received a cornucopia of lovingly well-crafted and highly insulting replies. Here are our favourites. ‘Somewhere, a village is missing its idiot.’ –brokenbear76 · ‘As useful as a convertible submarine is a favourite of mine.’ –MandarinWalnut

You're about as useless as an asshole with tastebuds. ... Your cock is so small you could use it to floss teeth. ... You're so poor that when you light up a Lucifer, the cockroaches celebrate that they finally have central heating.

September 15, 2025 - I can’t stand someone who doesn’t even try to help, they just give up as soon as they open their mouths. The best insult to use for useless people 98.6. I don’t mean people who are genuinely trying to help, or people who give the bare minimum. I’m talking about someone who just exists at their job for the paycheck but do absolutely nothing of value for anyone.

You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

Funny and Sarcastic. You're As Useless As G In Lasagna Funny Insult. The only thing better than a great insult is combining it with a great language reference. If you like your insults spelling-based, this tee is for you.

April 9, 2025 - Similes for useless are perfect when you want to describe something or someone that serves no purpose, fails expectations, or simply doesn’t work. For example, you could say, “That excuse was as useless as a screen door on a submarine,” to highlight how ineffective it was.

3 weeks ago - No insults. This prevents stress from compounding. Design failure so it costs almost nothing If failure still wrecks your mood, the task is too big. Shrink it until missing a day or messing up feels boring. You’re building stability, not proving toughness. You can have a stable life and still feel useless if your brain is overloaded.

January 29, 2026 - You’re as useless as a condom at a feminist rally.

I like to just pop off the top of the knot with something curious, in the sense of peculiar (which could also mean “unique”). Use mixed metaphors, strained metaphors, absurd comparisons - in short, I say something that is itself in some sense useless. It’s “meta.” · “Wow, Brob, you’re as useful as a plumber in a cemetery.” What?

Babies are fucking useless. Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water. Gave him eight jobs to do but he only did 1,3,5 and 7 ... Divorce is great! This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 · The handyman shrugs it of and enters the house. Indeed, there is a huge Rottweiler sitting on the couch, but he behaves friendly. But from the birdcage, the handyman hears the Parrot: "Hey, asshole!"

Answer (1 of 2): As useless as tits on a bull. As useless as tits on a nun. It’s useless to vest around the bush, It’s useless to look for excuses. There are also useless machines or useless boxes.