My fiance and I have wildly different sleeping preferences - he likes firm and memory foam, while I like soft and pillowtop. We got a Sleep Number bed because you can set each side of the bed to what you want, but neither of us like it. When I lower the sleep number setting to make the bed “softer”, it just deflates and provides no support.

I was considering getting a King bed frame and putting two Twin XL mattresses in it. Even going that route though it’s difficult to find a plush pillowtop and a firm memory foam that are the same height. Has anyone gone the 2 twin XL route? Any complaints about feeling a seam down the middle? Do we have other options?

It looks like the Beautyrest Black series have some Twin XL mattresses that would work, but then all old the bed would be $4-5,000 which is far more than we’d like to spend. We were thinking under $2000. Is the Beautyrest Black worth the price?

Thank you!

I keep seeing mixed opinions about how couples deal with different firmness needs and it honestly feels like a bigger issue than people admit. Some say split setups are the only way to stay sane while others swear a single hybrid can balance both sides well enough.

In my case me and my partner are complete opposites. I like a firmer feel because soft beds wreck my back while they prefer something way softer. Our current mattress is a sad compromise and neither of us sleeps great on it anymore. I’m trying to figure out whether we should look into split options or if there are mattresses out there that actually manage to keep both sides comfy without feeling like two different beds stuck together.

Anyone been in the same boat and found a setup that works long term? Any thoughts or things we should look out for before buying would help a ton.

I'm small at 130lbs, he's tall and wide at 280lbs. He has sleep breathing and snoring problems as well due to obesity and bad allergies.

Our current mattress is a queen and firm, and I hate it. It's way too firm for me, and his body's width takes up over half. We're going to get a king, but can't agree on the firmness of the mattress.

I want something pretty soft, but if we get something soft, will his body degrade it quickly? Will he find it too uncomfortable over time? Will it make his breathing and snoring worse?

Please help me from myself - I keep going down too many rabbit holes.

Me and my partner are looking to upgrade our queen to a king mostly because the addition of a dog has made bed more cramped.

I’m 5’3 160 lbs, he’s 6’3 185 lbs. Dog is 50 lbs. We are both side sleepers.

I prefer a softer bed, he prefers firm. Currently we have a Costco select Casper, I can’t remember which one but I think it is medium firm. Neither of us are happy with it - too firm for me and too soft for him. I do get lower back pain and hip soreness from this bed and roll around a lot.

So, based on this I feel like we have three options:

1. Sleep number bed or similar air mattress. We did check out a SN in person and we both liked the ILE. However, it’s bonkers expensive and i have read too many horror stories. I know there are companies with better support, but i would be worried about buying something without trying it - not to mention worries about future mechanical issues. Not completely against it but definitely nervous.

2. A split firmness mattress. This seems like a good option but also worried about not being able to try before buying, so would need to have a showroom or a great process for selecting/returning. I’m also a bit lost on types (latex? Memory foam? Hybrid?)

3. Buying two twin XLs and putting them together. Seems like a potentially more affordable version of 2.

Other considerations: I’d like to avoid fiberglass. The one thing I am sleeping on pretty well right now is our Lovesac couch, which has foam and i can also align my hips with the dips. Partner does not enjoy sleeping on it (too soft). Not interested in an adjustable bed.

Ideal budget is around $2k but willing to move around on price.

Any thoughts or help would be insanely appreciated. I feel like i’m going nuts looking at all the options.

My husband would sleep on solid concrete and say it was the best sleep ever. I, on the other hand, prefer to have a lot more support but also for it to be comfortable and feel like my bed’s cradling me whole supporting me.

We’re looking for a new mattress as we currently sleep apart but would like to sleep together. The only adjustable firmness beds for two people we know of is the sleep number beds.

We also would like to be able to use the adjustable base if possible, as we both read before bed, tend to unwind in bed by watching movies after putting our son to bed.

Any suggestions?

Hi all,

My husband and I can't agree on mattress firmness. I'm 130 lbs and love a soft feel, while he's 192 lbs and prefers something firmer. We're considering a split queen hybrid mattress for our room. Any suggestions for a mattress or brand that could cater to both our preferences?

Thank you!

Is the only options for couples sharing a bed who need different firmness and have a king bed either 2 extra long twin mattresss or putting a topper on half the bed?! I can't seem to find dual comfort mattresses that don't have people telling you to run for the hills, and I hate the idea of not being able to use the middle of the bed because of the seam between the mattresss/topper. We went from a soft mattress that I LOVED but made my husband have major hip issues, to a firm mattress that he LOVES and gives me hip and shoulder issues. So we put a topper on it, and now it's giving him issues again. There seems to be no winning.

My wife likes soft-to-medium mattresses. I like firm mattresses. We've tried a couple bed-in-a-box foam mattresses, with various foam and pillow toppers, to see if we could find an acceptable middle ground, but we've had no success so far. One of us is always waking up with considerable back pain.

We are considering a Sleep Number bed, so we can each have our own firmness. I'm hesitant, however, because I've read so many bad things about their beds and the company. Also the price seems a bit inflated (pun intended).

Are there other good options for couples with drastically different mattress needs?

After 8 years, our mattress has officially given up on life. The middle sags so badly that my wife and I roll into each other all night - which sounds romantic until you're both sleep deprived zombies arguing.

She's a side sleeper who runs hot and needs something soft for her shoulders. I'm a back sleeper who wants more support and doesn't move much. We've been to THREE different mattress stores and it's been a nightmare. Every salesperson tries to push us toward their $3000+ ""couples solution"" with ""zoned cooling technology.” WTF does that even MEAN?

We tried one of those bed-in-a-box memory foam mattresses a few years ago at my sister's place and I hated it. My wife loved it though. 🙄

Is there actually a legitimate good mattress for couples with different preferences? Or are we doomed to either compromise forever or get separate beds like a 1950s sitcom couple? Our budget is around $800-1000 for a queen.

Also - anyone have experience with hybrid mattresses? They seem like they might be a good middle ground, but I don't trust mattress review sites since they're all clearly paid advertisements.

Update: went with the Boring Hybrid. Thanks for all the advice! The medium-firm support should work for my back sleeping while giving enough cushion for my wife's side sleeping. Caught it on sale for $899, so right in our budget. We've had it a week now and we’re both sleeping much better now!

I’m at a loss for good options. I’m 6’2”, 165 lbs, and a side/stomach sleeper with back pain and need a firm mattress. My wife is about 5’5”, 125 and also has back pain, but likes a very soft mattress and is a rotisserie all night long. We both sleep hot.

Ideally we would have a queen-sized mattress, but I can’t imagine how that would work. Sleep Number is absolutely out of the picture. We could do two twins, but it sounds like a pain in the ass. I’m more willing to conform to her than she is to me.

Also, we’re on a Tuft and Needle Nod Hybrid, which neither of us find comfortable. I figured a hybrid was the sweet spot. Would we be able to soften it up with a topper? Or am I returning this baby?

Thanks in advance!

Edit: added details, cleaned up English

I’m a stomach sleeper, 5’6 and 210lbs. He’s a back and side sleeper, 6’3 and 250lbs. Queen or King, either is fine, since we cuddle in our sleep. Budget doesn’t matter right now, this’ll be something we save for together over time. I have no idea what mattresses we currently own, just that mine is a Full and his is a Queen. I do have lower back and hip pain, if that affects anything.

I’ve never shopped for mattresses and neither has my partner. Mine was gifted by my parents 7 years ago, he’s had his for 5 and got it lightly used from his dad. We’d stick with his current mattress if it wasn’t stuck at an elevated position (adjustable base that broke some time ago, it’s wildly uncomfortable as a stomach sleeper).

Bonus points if we can avoid having a box spring. I hate them lmao, especially as a cat owner.

Thank you!!! :)

Hello everyone! So I’m currently having a difficult time figuring this out. My partner is having really bad back/neck/shoulder pain from our mattress and prefers a firm mattress to help that. I love soft mattresses. We have been trying to figure out a way where she can get a firm mattress and I can get a soft mattress in the same bed. All we’ve found so far is two twin XL in a king frame but we live in an apartment and don’t have space for a king bed. She’s tried every stretch and sleeping position and nothing has helped so I’m trying to find a solution mattress wise. It’s to the point that she’s sleeping on the couch (which is firmer than the bed) to try and help it. So I ask dear redditors, is there a solution I’m missing? A way I can put two mattresses in a queen frame (biggest bed that’ll fit in our room)? Any suggestions are appreciated! TIA! 😁