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Here are the requirements:
Need to be able to use an alias on the card (i.e. no limitation to real name)
Must be able to fund the account via credit card OR bank ACH after microdeposit verification (i.e. no Plaid or similar shit service)
Must exist outside of a phone app (i.e., I won't install garbage into my phone)
Here's what I considered:
Site not to be named - the usual recommendation; it requires Plaid or a debit card to fund the account. I have no debit card and refuse to use Plaid, so no go
IronVest - their virtual card capability apparently was deactivated "temporarily" like 2 years ago
MySudo - requires a phone app, pass
Crypto.com - requires a phone app, pass
Revolut - apparently new accounts are not currently available to US citizens from what I can tell
Transferwise - uses real name; think they moved over to shit Plaid too
Does what I'm looking for exist, or should I just get a debit card and then begrudgingly give into the site that isn't allowed to be named?