"I got an ant farm. They didn't grow shit." - Mitch Hedberg Answer from Deleted User on reddit.com
Parade
parade.com › 940913 › parade › funny-quotes
180 Funny Quotes That Will Make You LOL! (And They're All Safe for Work)
November 18, 2025 - 29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes, and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” — Lessons from the Minivan
Reddit
reddit.com › r/askreddit › what are the funniest quotes?
r/AskReddit on Reddit: What are the funniest quotes?
July 6, 2013 -
Can be off anything or even make something up, like a catchphrase. Things like 'Just remember every fart is a gamble, and you can't win them all.' found this after browsing the top Ask Reddit's.
What are the funniest quotes?
"I got an ant farm. They didn't grow shit." - Mitch Hedberg More on reddit.com
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July 6, 2013What, according to you, is the wittiest quote of all time?
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July 18, 2016Which characters have the funniest, snarkiest one-liners? What are your favorite quotes?
I've got a toss up between: Rincewind. 'That’s the beauty of the system. Dead is only for once, but running away is forever.’ ‘Ah, but it is said that a coward dies a thousand deaths, while a hero dies only one.’ ‘Yes, but it’s the important one.' Glokta 'If you believe that I chose any part of the pitiful shadow of a life you see before you, you are very much mistaken. I chose glory and success. The box did not contain what was written on the lid.' The way Pacey reads that one gets me every time! More on reddit.com
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September 20, 2020What the dumbest quote you've ever heard that makes you laugh?
Tutant meenage neetle teetle. More on reddit.com
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March 25, 2019Videos
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TODAY.com
today.com › life › inspiration › funny-quotes-rcna125351
175 Funny Quotes That Are Laugh-Out-Loud Good
September 29, 2025 - The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin
Goodreads
goodreads.com › quotes › tag › funny
Funny Quotes (10823 quotes)
10823 quotes have been tagged as funny: Suzanne Collins: ‘Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.’, Billy ...
BuzzFeed
buzzfeed.com › evelinamedina › funny-movie-quotes
The 95 Absolute Funniest Movie Quotes Ever Spoken
September 30, 2025 - If you don't find a single one of these lines funny, something inside of you might be broken.
BrainyQuote
brainyquote.com › quote topics › funny quotes
Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
Reader's Digest
rd.com › arts & entertainment › quotes
100 Funny Quotes and Hilarious Sayings to Make You Laugh Out Loud
June 12, 2024 - 45. “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.” —Steve Martin, in the film Sgt. Bilko. Up for more laughs? Here are some more hilariously funny work quotes.
American Film Institute
afi.com › afis-100-years-100-movie-quotes
AFI’s 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes | Iconic Movie Quotes
Joe then tells her that there will be no film of Salomé, that the studio only wants to rent her car, and that her fans have abandoned her. Shouting that "no one ever leaves a star," Norma shoots Joe twice in the back and once in the stomach, sending him to his death in the pool.
Pinterest
pinterest.com › explore › quotes › quotes by genres
52 Of The Funniest Quotes Ever
February 22, 2020 - 52 Of The Funniest Quotes Ever · TheFunnyBeaver.Com · Explore · Quotes · Quotes By Genres · Stuff For Me · 1.7k Pins · 6mo · Funny Memes About Food · Funny Movie Quote Memes · Sarcastic Meme Inspiration · Sarcastic Motivational Memes · Dog Meme Quotes ·
Shutterstock
shutterstock.com › blog home › designer › design inspiration › 135 funny quotes that are too good not to share
Funny Quotes That Are Too Good Not to Share | Shutterstock
May 1, 2025 - Without sounding too preachy, these witty quotes will give you that mental, emotional boost when life feels too much to bear. “Success is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture: There will be tears, confusion, and extra pieces, but eventually, you’ll have something to show for it.” — Amy Poehler · “Dream big, but also dream practical. Nobody ever changed the world by hitting the snooze button, but sometimes a power nap is the strategy you need.” — Simon Sinek
Adobe
adobe.com › express › discover › quotes › funny
Funny Quotes That Make Moments Memorable | Adobe Express
Wield a quote at the intersection of humor and motivation in a poster project, and wherever it’s displayed, it will brighten the day. ... “Every Friday, I like to high five myself for getting through another week on little more than caffeine, willpower, and inappropriate humor.”
Positivity Blog
positivityblog.com › hilarious-quotes-about-life
175 Hilarious Quotes About Life: Funny and Relatable Sayings for Stress Relief
March 17, 2025 - “I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.” – Marc Maron · “If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.” – Mitch Hedberg · “When in doubt, look intelligent.” – Garrison Keillor · Want more laughs, positive vibes and less stress for your day and week? Then check out these funny good morning quotes, the hilarious work quotes in this post, the funny teamwork quotes here and also these funny Monday quotes and this one with funny Friday quotes.
Quora
quora.com › What-are-some-funny-and-smart-quotes
What are some funny and smart quotes? - Quora
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Nike
keepinspiring.me › home › funny quotes
300 Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh | Keep Inspiring Me
July 19, 2024 - Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Charles Dudley Warner · “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde · If at first you don’t succeed, quit. When life gives you lemons, quit. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit. Jim Rome · It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious. Bill Hicks · Sometimes simply observing daily life provides enough funny quotes to make you laugh.
Southern Living
southernliving.com › funny-inspirational-quotes-8750005
62 Funny Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
September 23, 2025 - Whether you need something funny and inspirational for yourself or to send to a friend, this collection of funny inspirational quotes about life, love, marriage, and more will have you laughing out loud.
A-Z Quotes
azquotes.com › quotes › topics › funny.html
100 Funny Quotes That Will Make You Laugh (Instantly) - AZ Quotes
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
CoolFunnyQuotes
coolfunnyquotes.com
Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations
Hardest thing ever: Controlling your laughter at serious times. Anonymous ... When someone asks "Are you crazy?" Just answer "Yes" to end that conversation. Anonymous ... I don't care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive. Anonymous · Displayed 1-9 of 1464 funny quotes. ... Sharing is caring! Put a smile on a friends face. In a hurry? We have short quotes that make a quick read. Read the funniest quotes in our Top 100 Funny Quotes and Sayings.
Woman's Day
womansday.com › lifestyle › 115 funny quotes guaranteed to make you laugh
115 Funny Quotes and Short Hilarious Sayings for a Good Laugh
May 20, 2024 - That's all I've ever wanted." — Kevin Malone, The Office · "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." — Dwight Schrute, The Office · "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well." — Mark Twain · RELATED: Funny Quotes From 'The Office' About Work
Indeed
indeed.com › career guide › career development › 85 funny work quotes to share with your colleagues
85 Funny Work Quotes To Share With Your Colleagues | Indeed.com
1 week ago - Here's a list of funny quotes to encourage you to finish your role-related tasks: "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing—that's why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar · "People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." — Elbert Hubbard · "Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get." — Ray Kroc · "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.
Macchiaco
macchiaco.com › home › quotes › 50+ most iconic, funniest and famous movie quotes
50+ Most Iconic, Funniest and Famous Movie Quotes – Macchiaco
January 10, 2025 - "I wish I had done everything on earth with you." -The Great Gatsby (2013), Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan)