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Reddit
reddit.com › r/mattress › i like firm beds, but my girlfriend likes soft beds. any compromise besides those expensive remote controlled mattresses?
r/Mattress on Reddit: i like firm beds, but my girlfriend likes soft beds. any compromise besides those expensive remote controlled mattresses?
December 9, 2019 -

My girlfriend and I moved in together about a year ago and we sleep on my mattress. I have a firm mattress that I got from Walmart a couple years ago that I really like. I think it's fairly comfortable and I usually get a good night's sleep on it. lately I've been thinking about getting a bigger bed, we currently have a full and I'd like to go up to a queen. and when I mentioned it to her she was all for it because as it turns out, she HATES our current bed! I had no idea because she never mentioned it!

but anyways, we can't really go to a mattress store and lay in a bunch of beds during a pandemic, so any tips on finding a matress online that we could both like? I don't like soft beds because I tend to feel like I'm sinking into them, but she feels like sleeping on a firm bed is like sleeping on the floor. I'm a big guy, about 5'6" 260 lbs. and she's about 4'11" 180lbs.

I have a budget of about $700 for a new bed and frame, but I'm willing to go higher if necessary. any suggestions or tips? where should I look? would getting a box spring help either of us?

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Bedrooms & More
bedroomsandmore.com › home › blog › customize your mattress: when you and your partner sleep differently
How To Customize Your Mattress for Two Different Partners
April 23, 2025 - I didn’t realize that you could get a custom mattress with two different levels of firmness on each side. I like more plush and my husband prefers more firm.
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Nest Bedding®
nestbedding.com › blogs › news › 6797140-when-partners-disagree-on-the-feel-of-mattress
When Partners Disagree On The Feel Of A Mattress
October 28, 2012 - This is an excellent solution for customers who are not that far apart in feel. On Topper: Finding a mattress that works for the partner who prefers a firmer feeling bed, then finding a topper for the other partner's side. We carry organic wool toppers, latex toppers, foam toppers, memory foam toppers and other natural and non-toxic materials to soften up a mattress.
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Themattresstoppercompany
themattresstoppercompany.com › home › news › news
What If Me And My Partner Prefer Different Levels Of Firmness?
September 18, 2024 - Ah, the classic bedtime battle: one of you likes the bed soft and cushy, while the other prefers something firm enough to bounce a pound coin off. Sharing a bed is supposed to bring you closer together, not leave you divided over mattress firmness!
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BabyCenter
community.babycenter.com › home › groups › bargain hunters
husband likes firm mattress. I like soft | BabyCenter
September 19, 2014 - DH and I went through this ridiculousness as well. He likes firm and I like less than firm. He moved into my place when we got married and within a year, he was done with my mattress. He purchased a firm foam mattress. Let's just say, I spent alot of nights on the couch because it was killing my back.
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Quora
quora.com › How-can-you-compromise-with-your-partner-when-you-have-conflicting-preferences-in-terms-of-mattress-firmness
How to compromise with your partner when you have conflicting preferences in terms of mattress firmness - Quora
Answer: We solved that in 2 different ways. When we got married we bought 2 twin beds and pushed them together to make a king sized bed. My mattress was like a rock, he preferred a softer mattress. Then about 20 years ago we bought one of the beds that essentially had 2 air mattress chambers. Min...
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Reddit
reddit.com › r/mattress › options for husband and wife with polar opposite mattress needs
r/Mattress on Reddit: Options for husband and wife with polar opposite mattress needs
March 22, 2021 -

My wife likes soft-to-medium mattresses. I like firm mattresses. We've tried a couple bed-in-a-box foam mattresses, with various foam and pillow toppers, to see if we could find an acceptable middle ground, but we've had no success so far. One of us is always waking up with considerable back pain.

We are considering a Sleep Number bed, so we can each have our own firmness. I'm hesitant, however, because I've read so many bad things about their beds and the company. Also the price seems a bit inflated (pun intended).

Are there other good options for couples with drastically different mattress needs?

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Amazon
amazon.com › ask › questions › Tx3NDL86AAQZK9
Amazon.com: Customer Questions & Answers
I would say yes. My husband likes firm and I like soft, we got this and we both really love it. It's firm but cradles you so it feels soft at the same time. We put a my pillow mattress topper on it and it's perfect for both of us
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The Mattress Expert
mattressexpert.typepad.com › the_mattress_expert › 2017 › 08 › i_like_firm_and_he_likes_soft_split-king_mattress-recommendation.html
I like firm and he likes soft. Split king mattress recommendation. - The Mattress Expert
Two twin XL sets costs hundreds of dollars more than a single king and you're left with a gap in the middle. Instead of memory foam, use latex for a topper...firmer for your side and softer for his.
Find elsewhere
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Simply Rest
simplyrest.com › home › mattress resources › what to do when your mattress is too soft or too firm
What to Do When Your Mattress Is Too Soft or Too Firm | Simply Rest
March 21, 2023 - Couples often disagree on how firm their mattress should be, but when she wants soft, he wants firm, what to do, what to do? These disagreements may be precipitated by chronic pain, different sleep positions, weight differences or simply just what each considers comfortable. Sleep is a very individual experience and couples often have difficulty compromising on a mattress, but don’t want to miss out on intimacy either.
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Reddit
reddit.com › r/mattress › hubby likes it hard; i like it soft.
r/Mattress on Reddit: Hubby likes it hard; I like it soft.
July 11, 2014 -

Help! My husband is a back sleeper and likes a firm mattress. I'm mostly a side sleeper who tosses and turns a lot and likes a soft mattress. Currently we sleep on what feels like a wooden pallet and I'm in pain.

I'm 5'1" 125-130 lbs; he's 5'7" and 165-170 lbs.

We want to spend less than $1200. Which online mattress would work for both of us, if any?! I'm considering Leesa because it seems like it would be a good balance of firm and soft. Thoughts?

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Reddit
reddit.com › r/mattress › me and my partner have different needs, what do we do?
r/Mattress on Reddit: Me and my partner have different needs, what do we do?
September 23, 2023 -

I'm small at 130lbs, he's tall and wide at 280lbs. He has sleep breathing and snoring problems as well due to obesity and bad allergies.

Our current mattress is a queen and firm, and I hate it. It's way too firm for me, and his body's width takes up over half. We're going to get a king, but can't agree on the firmness of the mattress.

I want something pretty soft, but if we get something soft, will his body degrade it quickly? Will he find it too uncomfortable over time? Will it make his breathing and snoring worse?

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Sleep Foundation
sleepfoundation.org › best mattress
The Best Mattress for Couples
The medium soft model earned the highest marks for motion isolation, so people who are easily awakened by their partner’s movements may want to consider this firmness level. ... All WinkBed mattresses feature a Euro-top surface padded with adaptive polyfoam. This material conforms to the body without hugging too closely, making the mattress a good alternative for people who don’t like sleeping on memory foam.
Published   July 3, 2025
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Forbes
forbes.com › forbes homepage › forbes vetted › mattress & sleep › mattresses
Best Mattresses For Couples: We Retested Picks For Varying Needs
October 2, 2025 - Couples can also choose from three firmness levels (soft, medium and firm) and an optional 2-inch pillow top to suit different sleep needs and preferences. According to Chapman, who slept on this mattress for months, “I found the bed regulated my body temperature nicely and kept heat from getting trapped. My husband ...
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CertiPUR-US
certipur.us › home › the soft vs. firm mattress debate: finding peace in the split
The Soft vs. Firm Mattress Debate: Finding Peace in the Split
March 11, 2025 - According to the Better Sleep Council, fifty-one percent of Americans said they prefer a “firm or very firm” mattress while 49 percent like their mattress “soft or very soft.” This means the average couple has about a 50-50 chance of ...
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NYTimes
nytimes.com › sleep › mattresses › how to choose a mattress
How to Choose a Mattress for 2026 | Reviews by Wirecutter
April 2, 2025 - If you sleep with a partner yet your preferences differ—say, you prefer firm but your mate likes something plusher—you’ll need to find a compromise. Lean toward what’s most comfortable for the partner who has musculoskeletal issues (such as lower back pain), said Cleveland Clinic’s Santhosh Thomas. If neither of you has an issue on that front, you could choose the firmer option and (for a king-size bed) attempt to make one side softer with a twin-size mattress topper.
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Bryte
bryte.com › blog › mattress-with-different-firmness-on-each-side
Do I Need A Mattress with Different Firmness on Each Side?
For example, if one partner sleeps on their back and prefers a firmer mattress while the other sleeps on their side and wants a softer one, a dual firmness mattress can help them both get the quality sleep they need without either compromising on comfort, or succumbing to the sleep divorce trends where couples sleep in separate bedrooms due to differences in mattress preference and sleep needs.
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Mattress Direct
mattressdirect.com › blog › how-you-mattress-affects-your-partners-sleep
How Your Mattress Affects Your Partner's Sleep | Learn More
The best mattresses for couples who can’t sleep together often focus on reducing this transfer, letting you both move without disturbing each other. Firmness Preferences: Maybe you like a soft, plush mattress, but your partner prefers firm support.
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