Last night I had a rare occasion-wear flop. I was planning on wearing a sleeveless maxi dress that has a loose spinnaker effect and a gorgeous shoulder-sash, but this is a dress that can't be worn with any kind of topper or tights, it completely ruins the effect. Well, cue the below-0 weather last night when my husband and I were headed out to dinner.

I wound up last-minute switching to this dress which is fine, but a couple things:

It's black, a stretch-cotton sheath, and the pocket/waist/edge effect is much less dramatic on larger sizes (me) as well as the sleeves not being quite long enough (although there's like 6" of hem, so I could easily get that adjusted). I paired it with this dramatic brooch and lace tights and knit pointed toe sock boots.

It just felt...blah and off, so much so I'm considering giving the dress away now.

Leading me to...

I need a long sleeved meaning fully, not 3/4 or sheer bracelet elastic-hem sleeves, occasion dress that is not a sweater dress. Warmth is key, there's many technically long-sleeved dresses that are too lightweight/sheer/wispy to work for winter. Sweater dresses, including knit jersey maxi, don't flatter and I just don't like them as a rule.

I'm looking for something more upscale and sophisticated than a Boden knit dress or a lagenlook style tunic dress, Something maybe like this or this and that last one does come in plus, but it's right at the edge of the budget and not quite perfect in terms of what I want it to do.

Fully beaded and sequin dresses or shimmer/metallic are too much for the places I'm going. No wrap dresses, those are work/brunch/church/errands dresses and I'm too busty and too soft in the mid-section for those, and frankly, I find them dated/not my style and also 99% of them are too short and don't have enough material in the skirt to not slip open while seated.

It seems really hard to find options that aren't black or mostly black, but that feels harsh, funeral, and draining on me. It doesn't feel fun and like "I'm going out for a date".

The Soft Surroundings Sultana is my top choice right now, I've seen this in the thrift store not in my size and it's stunning. But it's both a bit boho and warm-toned for me--and I'm a bit iffy on the SouthEast Asian/Indian vibes for myself (a white lady)--it's right at the edge of culturally insensitive I feel, but I could be overthinking that. It's my "if I can't find anything else" option.

This dress should be midi or longer, and easily pair with boots and tights. Need dresses that come in a 16/18 or XXL, budget up to $300 for the perfect item.

The part about coming in 16/18/XXL is where most well-meaning people seem to fall off the hamster wheel, suggesting Tibi, Desigual, Ted Baker, Alice and Olivia, Staud, Farm Rio and other brands where their XL is a snug 12. Don't make me cry, fashionistas!

I've been to the usual suspects websites, but there seems to be nothing between full on Mac Duggal sequin-bomb MOB dresses or wispy cotton sundresses that border on swimsuit coverups.

I actually think a totally knockout top might work too, and I could do the dreaded "fun top and black pants and heels" thing, and be just as toasty.

Anyway, all that yapping to say: HALP.

It seems like most ‘formal’ dresses are long and sleeveless/strapless. Unfortunately I’m not comfortable with either of those styles. Are these options inappropriate?