I find having to get together with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. to be a chore. I am just not interested in them and don’t really want to tell them about my life. So meeting them feels like having to pretend and tell a polished and superficial version of my life for hours….which is just exhausting.

Recently went no contact with my parents, I realized that I actually hated every interaction and was being a horrible partner and parent on the lead up to every interaction. I would drink for a full week before every interaction and had a lot of rage. Before that it was constantly going on blocks of 6 months of not interacting since I was probably 18.

I have noticed this seems to be a trend of going no contact. I was just wondering how many people actually LIKE spending time with their families. How many people just do it out of obligation?

Edit: Really happy to see all the people with positive relationships. So many are parenting goals I will aim for with my own kids.

And why?

Are you able to enjoy spending short durations of time with them?

Today is Christmas eve, as I'm sure you're all aware of, and I just got home from having spent 5 hours with my family. The last hour I sat alone in the kitchen doing nothing, to keep myself from breaking down.

I don't hate my family, but I definitely don't enjoy their company if it lasts longer than an hour. I can sit and listen to their jokes, their complaints and answer their questions with a smile on my face, but doing so for 5 hours is to push me to the limit. I get so annoyed with them until the point where I'm screaming inside.

I might be an extreme case, being a cynic and suffering from anxiety and depression, but I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way. What do you do when forced to spend time with people you can't stand?

Now, excuse me while I don't talk to anyone for at least one day.

I was never my parents best friend growing up, but we weren't enemies either, I had a very regular childhood and family life. As I got older I did find myself spending more time with my parents. Now, as I reach my mid to late 30s I find I spend A LOT of time with my parents. They live fairly close to me and they still have their 'youth.' They are in their mid 60s. We hang by the pool on weekends meet up at parks with the dogs and I spend lots of time shopping and decorating with mom.

I have a pretty normal social life, but single, not sure if that matters. Any other millennials spend time socially with their parents these days? I find a lot of my peers do as well. Just curious if its a trend with our age group or I am out of the norm.

If you are below the age of 70, and your ideal weekend is getting the whole family together for a cookout or something, I assume that your life is bland and boring. I really don't get what the appeal is of sitting around your house with all these people, talking about everyones boring ass job or whatever life event you have going on, and playing Lifetime in the background is. I imagine these are the same people that applebees commercials appeal to.

I find that these people see their families as their entire world, and while it is good to have a strong bond with your family (if you are fortunate to have a good one), it really shows that they have such a narrow view of the world, and don't really have a lot going on in their lives. These people also tend to live in very rural, small communities and don't really have exposure to much of the world outside of a 50 mile radius of their home, and the towns that their extended family lives in.

It's also annoying being related to one of these people since every time you have a 3 day weekend, they will BEG you to come spend most of the day with them when you would really just be enjoying your time off. Instead, Labor Day is spent explaining your job (that you are trying to NOT think about) to your aunt or uncle, and listening to them talk about how your 3rd cousin you haven't spoken to in a decade's Early Childhood Education Degree is coming along.

And the worst part is there is usually some guilt with saying this with the whole "you're going to regret not spending time with your loved ones" bull shit you always hear. Look, I get that not spending any quality time with people you care about usually leads to a life of unhappiness, but some people take that WAAAY too far.

I feel like having some hobby whether that's a tv show, book series, video game, sport, activity, whatever is super important for making yourself a more well rounded human being, and exposing yourself to what's out there in the world. Even if it's something like you're a huge fan of star wars, you're a history buff, you love cosplaying, ect. Just something you do for entertainment and isn't relevant to only your small town, that you can connect and share with others around the world. I also think that traveling abroad, or at least to a different part of the country, helps expand your world view as well.

I'd go a step further by saying that people who are unemployed, live with their parents, and play videogames all day have more exciting lives. At least they have something they are passionate about and usually are capable of understanding things outside their bubble from all the philosophy, history, and video essays they watch on youtube all the time. They usually are pretty good with computers too, or have some unique skill they've developed (even if it doesn't help them get a job).

It's very understandable for people who are old, retired, and want to spend time with their grandkids, but not to the extent where you love knowing what's going on in the lives of your entire family tree.

This question came up for me recently after some family drama. My mom, who is way too into everyone’s business, thinks it’s weird that my brother’s girlfriend never invites him over to her parents for dinner. They’re in their late 20’s, dating for two years, and they think it’s a bad sign that she doesn’t want to integrate them into her family life. I’ve explained to her that her parents are quiet people, they’re also immigrants and English isn’t their first language, and that he has gone over, but it’s just not a regular occurrence. Maybe they don’t feel it’s that important for them. Maybe his girlfriend is embarrassed by certain elements of her family. Whatever the case, I’m not sure why she’s so concerned because they seem like a healthy, happy couple.

It got me thinking about my own relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 years as well and I’ve gone to his parents about 4 times for a meal and to his brother’s house once for a birthday. Otherwise, I don’t spend time with them at all. I have never read into this all that much because he’s not close with his family and they live far away… he has spent much more time with my family, but that’s because I’m very close with them and I do think my parents are outliers - they really want to get to know their kids partners and will literally roll out the red carpet. Food, wine, endless questions, etc. Their ideal scenario is to see their kids and their partners every week or weekend.

What is your experience in this regard in past relationships, and how important is it to you to get to know your partners family well and be integrated with them?

I'm trying to set boundaries with my nuclear family.

I'm 25F and live on my own. We were a pretty enmeshed family growing up, religious homeschooled, biblical obedience, if you lived it you know the drill. Both of my parents are controlling, as you might guess, but to add to that my Mom's "love language" is TIME. So she has pretty much always required ridiculous amounts of "family time".

Only after growing up and moving out did I realize how much fear, guilt and obligation went into this mandatory family time, and how ridiculous it is for her to continue to insist on "mandatory attendance" for her adult children.

I've read a lot of books about boundaries and immature parents, and now I'm trying to figure out what a normal amount of time to spend with your family is.

Would a Maximum of 2 Family events a week be normal? (Family event defined as anything where either parent is present.) I would definitely be saying no a decent amount if I made that the limit.

And how many hours is a normal event? 3 hours? less? At this point I've started trying to say that I'm leaving at the 3 hour mark and sticking to it as best as I can. But both my parents and my siblings definitely have snide comments about me "leaving early".

Also do you travel with your family? How often? I've already turned down two "family trips" this calendar year.

How much time do you all spend with your family a week and do you feel like its a good amount of time? What do you feel is normal?

Examples?

To start with, this is not to trigger any parental guilt. I am just curious because my husband and I seem to have different views on what a typical family schedule is like. Feel free to also share how old your kids are, whether you work/study or have other activities as parent(s), or other relevant details you are comfortable to share.

I'm actually single, but let me give you an example of a couple I know, (but many of them are pratically equal or worse).

They're married with children.
He works from 9 AM to 9 PM, while she works part-time and takes care of the kids.
They see each other at 9 PM for dinner, and then from 10 to 11 PM they spend some time together.
The dad spends about 30 minutes with the children before they go to bed.
Weekends are dedicated to family time and doing activities together.

How many of you live like this? What do you think about it?

I am 28F single no kids with parents between 55-60. They’re relatively healthy but I know that won’t last forever. When I think about the idea of them no longer being here, I start to cry almost immediately. That said, I don’t know how to make the most of my time left with them while also still being happy.

I live in a state 3,000 miles away. Long story short, I love my life and where I live and I struggle to see a day when I will be willing to move back to where I grew up, a place I closely associate with depression.

I talk to my parents on the phone every day and come to visit them for a week at a time every 3-4 months. I always remind them how much I love and appreciate them. When I visit, I also spend time with my brother & his kids and my friends I grew up with. This upsets my dad sometimes. The time I spend with them never seems to be enough in their eyes, they complain I don’t spend enough time with them.

They’ve been amazing parents (always loving, supportive, provided me with almost everything I needed to become a successful adult), but I can’t say I fully enjoy spending time with them, so I don’t know how to make the most of the time we have. We have very different perspectives on politics and lifestyle choices, and I often find our personalities clash. I love them the most when I have some space from them (I am like this with most people I love).

I’ve always envied people that love spending time with their parents. I know I can’t be the only one with a similar predicament. How can I make the most of my time left with my parents without sacrificing my happiness?

I (20M) love my parents, especially my mom. We are super tight n share a lot of things in common like favorite TV shows... But we also have a lot of things we DON'T have in common and I like doing the things/watching the TV shows I only like ALONE as a recharge for when I'm downstairs w/my parents for a long period of time or get home from work. But I feel bad for not hanging out w/her cuz we usually hang out when my dad's at work n her parents (my grandparents technically) are upstairs doing her own thing.

TL:DR Should I be feeling bad abt feeling obligated to hang out w/my mom so she isn't sitting alone in the living room?

I feel like it's a bit of a contradiction. And it is something I need to work on, to increase the amount of time I spend with my family.

Anyone else feel the same way?

Just curious about this aspect, because it seems like one parent is tending to one child at a time, instead of everyone spending time together?

I imagine this alleviates once they're older, but I'm guessing in the beginning this is an issue.

(25M) I hear a lot about people who feel the same way, but because their family is toxic. Not mine really. It's more that I hate myself when I'm with them. Everything I dislike about myself is 100x worse (I don't speak much and am generally boring. I've worked a lot on that and did a lot of progress with friends, etc. but it's still really horrible with my family). I feel like I can't be myself, or the person I want to be, around them.

They're good people and they love me, but for some reason I feel less and less love towards them as time goes by. I kind of secretly hate my parents for having given me such a horrible social and emotional development, even though it's really not their fault, they did their best.

I guess I just want to vent a little. Does anyone else feel this way / got any advice?

Hi. I feel so weird about asking this but... does anyone actually enjoy spending time with their family? Like, regular normal hangout time?

I love my parents and I’m chill with most of my cousins and aunts and uncles, but we’ve never been a family that hangs out. We get together like twice a year. And that’s totally fine. I don’t usually feel like I’m missing out because I have friends and hobbies.

But I’m getting older, and my husband and I are starting to think about having children. We’re very much on the fence and one of the things I’ve been thinking about is that fact that even though I love my parents, I find spending more than a few hours with them exhausting, draining, and not at all fun.

I just want to know: does everyone feel this way or are there families out there that people find comfort and joy in spending time together? If those families do exist, how did they get that way?

I don’t like hanging out w my parents, but especially my mom. I also don’t like hanging out with my MIL.

I’m almost 30 and about to have my first child and am nervous that some day I’m gonna wake up and my kids are just gonna be over me.

What I’m hoping makes me different is that a) I can listen b) I’m not a know it all and c) I’ll be able to treat my children as friends as they grow up/make decisions for themselves instead of only knowing how to play the parent role