i know a few people in my life who constantly put themselves down in order to try to make you pity them. they can say stuff like “i’m just such a terrible person and i suck and i don’t deserve love” (for example)
but they do it often enough and exaggerate it so much that you know they want you to comfort them and tell them that they are a good person and hope that you provide reassurance

what is the word for that???

lots of people also use this tactic when they are in trouble for doing something and are apologizing. they’ll say something like “i’m really sorry for doing that to you, i feel so bad. i deserve the worst and you deserve so much better than me, i am the worst person ever” etc. etc.

the point that i’m trying to make is that there is a word for people who try to make you feel bad for them or seek pity and reassurance from others.

the word i’m looking for is not self-pity, it’s not self-loathing, it’s not narcissism, it’s not manipulation, it’s not guilt tripping. are there any other words you guys can suggest to me? it’s driving me NUTS.

i used to use it all the time and now i can’t think of it.

For a long time, I held onto relationships that made me feel small. I convinced myself that if I tried harder, gave more, or changed who I was, they would see my worth. But no matter what I did, I always felt like I wasn’t enough.

One day, I realized something:
It’s not my job to prove my value to anyone.

I had a close friend who always made me second-guess myself. Their “jokes” were little digs, comments that stung more than I wanted to admit. I kept brushing it off, telling myself, “Maybe I’m overreacting.” But deep down, I knew: real friends don’t make you question your worth.

Letting go wasn’t easy. I felt guilty, afraid of being alone, and wondered if I was making the right choice. But here’s what I learned:

• Holding onto people who make you feel unworthy only teaches you to settle for less.

• The right people will love and respect you without you having to earn it.

When I finally let go, it hurt—but I felt lighter. Slowly, I made space for people who saw me, appreciated me, and valued me for who I am, not for what I could offer.

If someone makes you feel unworthy, remember this:
It’s not because you’re lacking—it’s because they can’t see your value. Letting go is not losing; it’s making space for what you truly deserve.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you find the strength to walk away?

At this point, it’s not my lack of social skills hindering me; it’s my lack of worth. In fact, if I was worth anything, I’d have social skills. Human beings are innately social and making connections with others should come as naturally as breathing. As I look around me and see others making lifelong friends with strangers, effortlessly falling in love, laughing and joking etc it’s confirmed for me. I can’t even call myself human. How could I when I’m missing such a vital part of it?

I’ve been an outcast all of my life. I remember being in pre-k and feeling like I couldn’t connect with any of the kids. At worst I was bullied, at best I was used as an easy backup plan. Every time I thought I’d finally made a friend, they would inevitably show me that I didn’t mean much to them. I was 100% the kid/teen who ate lunch in the library (sometimes in the dirty bathroom stall).

One thing that I am lucky in is the fact that I’m female and not unattractive so I’ve always gotten male attention. I say I’m “lucky” for this because I’m aware that some other social outcasts (mainly men) go through life without even this. It’s always been obvious that 90% of these guys only saw me as an easy target but I at least coped with knowing that they wanted to talk to me.

This will sound melodramatic but I really feel as though some people just aren’t meant to be in this world (or maybe just there for others to abuse) and I’m one of them.

I feel like i am unlovable or have less worth if i for not unconditionally love people around me. By unconditionally meaning no matter what they do to me and no matter how toxic it is.. is there any like.. name for that? Or possible reasons? I beat myself up (knowing i shouldn't) for rightfully thinking bad of people when they hurt me. It's not everyone .. but specifically people like family or my SO and some friends.. at times i feel like the only lovable thing about me is how loyal i can be and how i would rather go down than giving up a person and not showing them how loved they are and as soon as i just start to distance myself because they used or even abused me i feel so endlessly guilty and as if the only thing that makes me good enough is vanishing. So far it has always helped me to be able to put a name on for example mental illnesses i have or finding possible causes.. but i can't find anything fitting to this.. thanks in advance

Am I worthless?

My boyfriend (36m) and I (27f) just got back from our 1 year anniversary trip. While being out there he made it a point to make sure how much I knew he spent, which I thought was strange. The whole week before he was talking about how much money he was spending and acting frustrated about it, which I didn’t understand because he completely offered to take me on this trip. We live together and I can be messy. I work 60 hours a week for the past 5-6 weeks and I’m not the best with picking up after myself. I try my best to make him feel special. Shower him with love and I usually meal prep for both of us 2 meals a week. This morning he told me that he feels that I don’t contribute anything to the relationship, that I’m just using him. He tells me that I’m disrespectful and don’t care about him because I’m messy. He also pointed out that he feels like I’m some kind of gold digger, only concerned for what he does for me financially, even though I pay half of every single bill. We go out about once a month. He tells me I don’t deserve to go on dates, that he shouldn’t have to pick up after me and take me out. I feel like everything I bring to the relationship is overlooked because I’m messy. I clean once a week, but I’m not the best with day to day cleaning. I’ve made an effort to be less messy, but the hours I work come with depression, and it can be very hard to get myself to function outside of work. I feel exhausted emotionally and spiritually, and I just never seem to be enough. Am I unworthy of a partner? Of love? Of feeling special because I leave my things out? Is this a deal breaker for you? Him telling me all this this morning but made me feel absolutely like trash. I feel worthless and like maybe I don’t have anything to contribute to a relationship. Is he right?