in a world where everything connected to wifi works seamlessly and perfectly, every printer I've ever got, HP, canon, etc has had trash apps and very inconsistent performance. are there any wifi printers that actually work well in 2023? why does it feel like every other device has been modernized but printers are still stuck 15 years ago.

The HP OfficeJet 8015e isn't here to revolutionize your life or make you the next Hemingway. It's a printer, for Christ's sake. But in a world where even your toaster has Wi-Fi, this chunk of plastic and circuitry promises to be the least disappointing thing in your home office.

Let's take a closer look.

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First Impressions

Unboxing the HP OfficeJet 8015e is like unwrapping a Christmas gift from your least favorite aunt – you know it's going to be underwhelming, but you're obligated to act grateful.

As I heaved this 18-pound behemoth onto my desk, I couldn't help but wonder if HP had secretly partnered with chiropractors to boost their business. The glossy black finish immediately started collecting fingerprints like it was trying to solve a crime, and I found myself yearning for the days when printers were beige and unapologetically ugly.

But as I plugged it in and heard the familiar hum of machinery coming to life, I felt a twinge of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be the soul-crushing experience I'd come to expect from setting up a new printer.

The 2.7-inch color touchscreen flickered to life, its dim glow a pitiful attempt at modernity. It's about as responsive as a DMV employee on a Monday morning, but hey, at least it's trying. I found myself anthropomorphizing the printer, imagining it as a middle-aged office worker named Gary who's just trying to make it to retirement without any major screw-ups.

Setting up the Wi-Fi was an adventure in itself. The printer's "self-healing Wi-Fi" sounded promising, like some sort of technological Wolverine. In reality, it was more like a hypochondriac constantly checking WebMD. It kept dropping the connection and reconnecting, as if it was playing some sadistic game of red light, green light with my sanity.

As I fumbled through the setup process, guided by an app that seemed designed by a passive-aggressive teenager, I couldn't help but reflect on the state of my life. Here I was, a grown adult, feeling outsmarted by a glorified paper pusher. The HP Smart app, with its cheery interface and endless prompts, felt like a peppy workout instructor trying to motivate me through a marathon I never signed up for.

But then, the printer actually connected. The test page emerged, crisp and clear, a beacon of hope in the wasteland of technological disappointment. For a brief moment, I felt like a god among men, a master of the digital domain.

That feeling lasted approximately 30 seconds until I realized I had to set up the ink subscription. Because apparently, we've reached a point in capitalism where even our printers demand a monthly fee. As I begrudgingly entered my credit card information, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd just sold my soul for the privilege of printing cat memes and passive-aggressive notes to my girlfriend.

And yet, somehow, I couldn't help but feel a grudging respect for this unapologetic chunk of plastic and circuits. It knew what it was, and it wasn't trying to be anything else. In a world of constant upgrades and FOMO, there was something oddly comforting about its mediocrity.

Key Features

Wireless Printing: It's like having a genie, if that genie was hard of hearing and prone to frequent naps. In theory, you can send a print job from your phone while lounging in bed. In practice, you'll find yourself standing next to the printer, frantically waving your phone around like a deranged orchestra conductor, trying to maintain that precious Wi-Fi connection.

Two-sided Printing: HP proudly touts this feature like it's the Second Coming of office efficiency. In reality, it's about as exciting as watching paint dry, but slightly more nerve-wracking. Will the paper jam? Will it print your confidential work email on the back of your spouse's birthday card?

HP Smart App: Imagine if your needy ex-girlfriend was reincarnated as a smartphone app. That's the HP Smart App. It's clingy, always asking for updates, and somehow manages to make even the simplest tasks feel like you're diffusing a bomb. Want to scan a document? Prepare for a 12-step process that'll have you questioning the purpose of life. But hey, it works.

35-page Auto Document Feeder: This feature is for those moments when you absolutely must print out the entire user manual for your new toaster. It's surprisingly efficient, smoothly feeding through pages like a dealer at a high-stakes poker game. Of course, this efficiency only applies until the exact moment you're in a rush, at which point it'll inevitably jam.

HP+ and Instant Ink: It's the pièce de résistance of HP's diabolical plan to keep you tethered to their ecosystem. It's like joining a cult where they hook you up to an IV drip of overpriced ink. The promise? You'll never run out of ink again. The reality? You'll be swimming in ink cartridges while your printer refuses to print in black because the magenta is low. It's a masterclass in creating a problem and selling you the solution.

Security Features: HP boasts about the printer's security features like it's Fort Knox for your grocery lists. Password protection, encryption, the works. It's all very impressive until you realize the most sensitive document you've printed in the last year was a return label for those ill-fitting pants you bought online. But hey, at least my Wi-Fi password is safe from all those hackers dying to know how much toner I use.

Pros

• Print Quality: I'll be damned if this thing doesn't churn out some crisp prints. Text is sharper than my ex's tongue, and colors pop. My passive-aggressive office memos will never look better.

• Speed: This printer moves faster than my dates when they realize I write printer reviews for fun. At 18 pages per minute in black and 10 in color, it's like the Usain Bolt of office equipment.

• Mobile Printing: In a world where I can barely separate from my phone long enough to use the bathroom, the ability to print directly from your mobile device is fantastic. Now I can impulsively print out that inspirational quote at 2 am without ever leaving the bathroom.

• Quiet Operation: It hums along quietly, like a content cat or a particularly mellow serial killer. You can print your resignation letter without the whole office knowing.

• Paper Handling: The closed paper tray is a small mercy in a cruel world. No more dust-covered pages or finding your important documents doubling as a cat bed. It's the little things that keep me from descending into madness.

Cons

• Design Aesthetics: It's about as attractive as a cardboard box wearing a tuxedo. HP clearly prioritized function over form, assuming we'd all be too dead inside to care.

• Touchscreen Responsiveness: Using the touchscreen is like trying to play piano with oven mitts on. It's functional, but you'll question your fine motor skills.

• Ink Subscription Model: Nothing says "modern convenience" like being held hostage by a printer ink cartel.

• No Bypass Tray: Want to print a single envelope? Prepare for a paper-juggling act that would make a circus performer proud.

• Wi-Fi Connectivity Issues: The "self-healing Wi-Fi" is about as reliable as a weather forecast. You'll become intimately familiar with your router's location.

Final Thoughts

This printer is perfect for the person who views printing as a necessary evil rather than a hobby. If you're the type who only prints when absolutely forced to by bureaucracy or passive-aggressive neighbors leaving notes about your unkempt lawn, this is your jam. It'll sit quietly in the corner of your home office, judging you but reliably spitting out whatever documents you throw its way.

The ideal user for the HP OfficeJet 8015e is someone with the patience of a saint and the tech-savviness of a moderately trained chimp. If you can operate a smartphone without calling your nephew for help, you're overqualified but still welcome to the party.

In the end, the HP OfficeJet 8015e is like that friend who's always there for you but never quite makes it to your birthday party. It's reliable, functional, and occasionally frustrating, much like adult life itself.

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